Make Me Alive
by lawandordersvdome
Summary: A serial rapist is on the loose and Rafael Barba and his former flings have been targeted. When Rafael begins a relationship with Sonny Carisi, there's one question on everybody's mind: will the SVU squad be enough to protect them?
1. Step Up

"I know it ain't gonna be a walk in the park. It's SVU, ain't it?"

Dominick (but by all means, call him Sonny) Carisi stacked his share of case files on the table, lining them up and pushing them aside. Not only was New York having a backlog on rape kits, but pretty much every precinct in the continental US was, too. Sometimes when Sonny was alone at home, in the office, or on the way to pick up whatever snack he craved, he wondered why there were so many rapes in the first place; no meant no, right? But there were also those whackos that just raped to rape. He sighed.

"1,871 rapes occur in America, **per day. **That's four every three minutes. And only sixteen percent of these are reported to the police. "

Detective Amanda Rollins looked at Sonny when he said something she- the entire _squad- _had known since they graduated. She shook it off. She remembers a time when she was just as ambitious as he was: new to the precinct, fresh out of the academy, armed and ready to serve and protect, impress the captain… He had good intentions, all right. He just… He was the new kid. For those first few weeks, they always test the waters; see how everyone flows, how they react, how they work. He just wanted to impress. She remembered him mentioning all the past precincts he was at: each run, running shorter than the previous. She wondered just how long he'd last at SVU.

With the backlog running higher than ever, the squad couldn't do it alone. So, Sergeant Olivia Benson called in a favor. Assistant District Attorney, Rafael Barba, was called in to help review cases, give his professional opinion on ones deemed closed, follow up on standings, the usual. Just Sonny's luck.

The first time Rafael met Sonny, Sonny had, for reasons undetermined, decided to grow in the most hideous mustache he could conjure just to see if he could reinvent himself at yet _another _job. First impression: royally screwed. It wasn't until a few weeks later that maybe he needed to step his game up a bit to fit in. So he shaved it. Rollins was the first to comment on the change, and of course, the feedback was negative. He noticed that the detectives at SVU held themselves to a higher standard- and Rafael Barba held himself to an even higher standard. Never before at any precinct, any squad, and any office had Sonny seen a better-dressed crew or attorney. So he decided to once again, step up his game. He put pride in his appearance. He knew Rafael's case win record and he felt like if he ever wanted something like that, he'd need to take the time to get himself situated.

Yes, he admired Rafael. It bothered him that he was such a dick, though. He tried to impress him with his facts or make note of his education, but Rafael would always put him down. The man was sort of a hero to all the guys at his Fordham night school law classes. Sonny, now after meeting him, made note of his attire and figured that that certainly had something to do with his track record. So, in came the three piece suits. Nowhere near as nice as Rafael's but good enough for Sonny. He had to start somewhere.

The first day after the weekend he spent juggling between school papers and online fashion tips, he came into the office in his second best suit. You know, to set a standard for himself. Detective Nick Amaro smirked when he saw the reinvented Sonny and Detective Fin Tutuola gave a nod of approval. It didn't help when he dropped a bit of cream from his cannoli on his lapel though. That's when Rafael came in to the office.

He stopped and looked over Sonny: head to toe and back up again. Rafael had eyes like a hawk; they always pierced into one's soul and somehow managed send a signal to his brain to immediately create a snarky comment on one's insecurities. However, this time around, they didn't. The right side of Rafael's lips curved upward ever so slightly, probably around a millimeter, and then they pursed.

"Nice job, detective."

And then he walked away. Sonny knew it. He was _in. _Maybe not as much as he wanted to be, but it sure was a start. By his sixth week, Sonny was part of the team. The whole 'new kid' thing died down (Rollins and Benson were really the only two sticking to it. _Women.) _And soon enough he found himself at dinner with the guys after a hard two-day stint, joking about the Yankees.

Sonny looked up at Rafael. He walked in with Olivia, coming back from a court session wherein he had just been successfully intimidating the perp into confessing on the stand. Cat in the bag. Sonny had half a zeppole in his mouth when he stopped in front of his desk.

"You just couldn't wait until lunch, could you?"

"M'weak, counselor." Sonny chewed and smiled at him to which Rafael responded with a classic eye roll and walked to his temporary desk at a briefing table on the other side of the office.

"Rollins." Rafael called out after removing a few files of paperwork from his bag and slipping his coat over his chair. _Is that what your supposed to do? _Sonny took note and removed his own blazer and draped it over his chair. Amanda made her way to Rafael and he complimented her on a case well done. They both utilized their amazing senses of intimidation into cracking the suspect. Sonny figured it was the paisley pocket scarf that peered from Rafael's chest. Pure torture.

He furrowed his eyebrows before muttering, "what a weird fucking thought." He popped another zeppole into his mouth before getting to work on a case regarding the sister of a hardcore Mets fan. This had to be good.


	2. Malpractice

Rafael clinked his glass to Robert's and they smiled. It was a celebratory outing: Rafael had won his case and was on cloud nine. Sure, it was an easy case and it wasn't one of those he _really _should be celebrating, but it gave him an excuse for a social life. If getting drinks with a potential boyfriend once a week was a social life, he definitely had one.

Robert was a high class, single Doctor. He was from the wealthy north side of Boston: his family owned a practice and every man in his family had passed through those doors and treated their patients- that is, except for Robert. See, Robert was the sort of black sheep of the family. He went to medical school at Princeton, following his paternal legacy; five generations of Doctor Ellis-es. Robert Ellis, however, dreamed of the nightlife of New York. He dreamed of clubs and dingy subways and hoards among hoards of people. Truth be told, it was really the men he came looking for.

At 45, Robert was living his life the way he wanted. It was up to his younger brother to carry on the family legacy, and it was up to Robert to partake in a life of pure unadulterated fun. Sure, he had his own practice here, but Robert didn't have plans for a family to carry on its legacy. Rafael did.

There were certain things the two could not agree on and after almost a year of meeting up weekly, Rafael would be lying if he said he didn't want to push their _whatever-_ship to the next level. Rafael did have intentions of settling down. Sure, it wasn't the traditional American Dream his grandparents had foreseen, but they were his. And thanks to them, he was free to pursue them.

Robert and Rafael did have sex. That was Rafael's only "intimate" outlet. He often wondered if Robert only ever had it with him, but the more they talked, the more he learned that it most likely wasn't an exclusive thing they had. Robert had come to New York for men and Rafael had stayed in New York for a family. Yeah, the men were definitely a plus (probably a step up from some of the stuck up Ivy League twits he had to deal with) but he wanted to settle in the city. The first time Rafael went home with Robert, Robert had ordered him not to make their situation "_weird."_

"Look, this is some innocent fun. Just two guys… With _urges_. We had a good night, you know? Let's satisfy 'em." Robert had coerced him home with his low, romantic bedroom voice and Rafael hadn't declined. He was all for it. It went great in his eyes. Robert was more in for a _fuck_ and Rafael wanted to display some of his signature Cuban passion. Robert had pushed him away when Rafael wanted to cuddle and he went home that night. "Rafi, don't make this weird on me, 'kay?"

That's usually how it went.

By the eighth time around, Rafael knew he wasn't going to get his way, so the next fifteen times, he just obliged. Stressful case? Let's get it over with. His place? Fabulous. Done? Goodnight, see you later. No sleepovers and no cuddles. That was their dynamic. But honestly, Rafael still hoped. That's why he kept going out with him. No matter how many times it hurt him to hear, '_Rafi, don't make it weird," _he pursued him all the more.

The other 313 nights per year, Rafael either spent with his mother, alone, or with the SVU Detectives. He was grateful for the nights after a case win, or a stressful stint, when the squad all went out for dinner and Rafael was invited to tag along. Between being the Assistant District Attorney for 90% of the day, he still had to eat and sleep (_hah.) _So coffee runs with Olivia, or dinner with Fin &amp; Nick were greatly appreciated.

Rafael denied it to people's faces all he could, but he did in fact enjoy company. _Real _company. Real people. Tangible people. Cuddle-able people. He didn't like being alone _all _the time. It's just his job turned him into a seemingly cocky introverted hermit. But that wasn't the '_Rafi'_ his friends and family grew up with.

"To yet another excellent win, Counselor." Robert smiled, swigging the glass of scotch down and tapping two fingers on the bar top to signal the bartender to fetch him another glass.

Rafael nodded with slight a smirk, not taking all of the alcohol from his glass; he was a sipper. "I wouldn't say excellent. Just resourceful. You know if I hadn't gotten in his face on the bench, I doubt he'd be found contempt. He was pissed. Bastard couldn't handle the truth of his own crime. He snapped." Rafael went on about his case. He found if he talked about it, without going far too much into detail, he could alleviate at least some of the stress.

Robert narrowed his eyes. Truth be told, he hated listening to Barba drag on about his clients or the high profile cases he was involved in. Robert wanted sex from Rafael. That's all he ever wanted. Rafael picked up on this when he finally noticed Robert staring into his drink.

"There something wrong, Rob?" Rafael set his glass down and turned towards the other man watching him. Robert swirled glass around, focusing harder on it. Rafael waited a few moments before he sighed.

"Now, don't start acting like that, Rafi."

"Like what? Like I'm annoyed that I'm being ignored _again? _God forbid I want to vent after another week of hell dealing with the same scummy rapists over and over. I give _all _of my attention to everyone around me and every single detail. All I ask is to have yours for more than twenty seconds."

Robert sighed. "Maybe we should take a rain check on tonight."

"Yeah. Maybe we should. Adiós" Rafael stood up and slid his coat back on, leaving a tip behind. He stormed out of the bar while Robert ordered another drink.

Rafael ended up spending the night on his couch flipping between channels and passing out.

His phone vibrated. 6 missed texts. Fuck.

**Robert, **12:19 a.m.  
'_Rafi, I'm outside your building. Let me up.'_

**Robert, **12:30 a.m.  
'_Rafael. Seriously? Are we playing these childish games right now?'_

**Robert, **12:45 a.m.  
'_I'm going home. I'll be free tomorrow after ten. Brunch?'_

**Robert, **12:47 a.m.  
_'Goodnight, R."_

Rafael rolled his eyes. He muttered, "fuck off," before getting up and walking to turn his coffee pot on.

**Intern w/ Blue Eyes, **1:00 a.m.  
_'Sorry to bother you this late, Counselor. I was doing some research and found something you might like to see...'_

Rafael noted to ignore the interns at the DA's office for the next few days; kids are too ambitious. He looked at his watch and noted the time. He didn't have to leave for another hour or so. His single cup brewed and he sipped at it, wishing to himself he could just inject the liquid straight into his veins.

Then his eyebrows furrowed as he noticed a name that often didn't appear on his screen. "Detective?" He pursed in his bottom lip, as he often did when intrigued, and opened the text.

**Carisi, **7:03 a.m.  
_'Hey, Barba! Rollins and I were planning to grab coffee and some of those French pastries I've seen you eat. You want me to grab you something?'_

His left eyebrow perked. "Huh." He looked at his watch again and made his way to the shower, his coffee making the trip along with him. He texted back.

'_You know,_ _I'll meet you guys there. Right down the corner from the precinct?'_

Rafael wore a blue button down with a white collar that morning. He had a peach Brooks Brothers houndstooth tie around his neck and a grey three-piece suit to sport. Out of his front pocket was a matching, overpriced blue and peach pocket square. He made his morning commute downtown and entered into the small café Amanda and Sonny were currently waiting in line in.

"Rollins. Carisi." He nodded.

"Mornin', Counselor." Amanda smiled lightly, and Rafael noticed the bags under her eyes. She must've gone out to celebrate as well. He turned his head and had to readjust his vision because there was Sonny Carisi is all his bright eyed and bushy-tailed morning glory smiling back at him like a puppy.

"You see the game last night, Barba?" Sonny bounced up onto his toes with a tremendously atrocious amount of energy for this hour.

"Did I _what?"_ Rafael narrowed his eyes and looked at Amanda with a '_can you believe this guy?' _type look. He looked back up at the younger man, taller than he was, younger and bolder than he was, probably better looking than he was, too.

"The Yankees game. Didja watch?" His mouth was moving far too much for the small sentence fragments he was producing. What was that about? Ah. Chewing gum. Rafael noticed he was chewing gum… At 8:30 in the morning. He eyed over the detective's suit- a step up from last time, go him- and shook his head.

"No. What could possibly possess me to spend my Thursday night watching baseball?" They moved forward in their line.

"Well, I saw you go into a bar last night."

Rafael's eyes widened and they darted back to the tall detective. "You what?"

"Yeah, uh… What was it? O'Flanagan's. Place uptown? I was out last night, too. Found myself in the area. I was headed to a place a few blocks down when I saw you go in." Sonny didn't dare mention he saw him enter with another guy. Not that he was jealous or anything.

Rafael nodded and took a deep breath before ordering everyone's coffee and pastries and taking the bill. They all made their way outside and started heading towards the office. As they walked, Amanda and Sonny kept talking about a case Benson had mentioned pertaining to some mutually liked high profiled athlete throwing abuse accusations against his coach. Rafael's thoughts were elsewhere. He mapped out all the bars in the area he was at the night before, trying to figure out where Sonny was headed. It suddenly dawned on him that the area was prominent with gay bars and Sonny most likely was headed into one.

He smirked at the thought and when he looked up, he stopped in his tracks.

There was Robert-and another man- kissing.

And suddenly, Rafael's day had grown sour.


	3. Barba's Supoena

Just like that the day had gone from content to one with an awkward tension in the air. After they had gotten coffee, Rafael just sort of froze. Sonny noticed it about four steps later when he had finally thanked him for the coffee and realized he hadn't heard a snappy remark.

"Barba, you good?" Amanda turned around and looked at Rafael in the same spot he had been in for about a minute.

Rafael absentmindedly licked his lips, eyebrows furrowing as he stared at the younger man Robert stood with. He had to have been about twenty-five, twenty-seven tops. He looked at Robert and began to shake his head as he pondered the age difference. Suddenly, Rafael snapped out of his trance when he felt a hand on his upper arm. His eyes darted to Sonny who stared at him with a perplexed visage.

"Counselor?" Sonny looked over Rafael's shoulder to see if he could pinpoint where he was looking. Nothing popped out aside for the dude hugging a guy that could probably be his kid. He rolled his eyes; that couldn't be what stunned Rafael- could it?

"Carisi, Rollins. Go to the precinct." Rafael attempted to regain his composure. He felt an unwelcome blast of heaviness overtake his chest when he cleared his throat. The others looked back at him more confused than they were when he stopped. Rafael had to work quick- get these guys out of here so he could drop the whole professional act for a moment. "Look, I just noticed a client speaking to a perp, so I better go in before I have to declare an attempted induction of perjury." Amanda nodded, starting to move on and Sonny stayed behind.

"But you don't have any proof." Sonny still had his hand on Rafael's shoulder, which neither seemed to acknowledge. "And what case is this? You're off." He looked around, noting the two men had parted and were moving their separate ways. "You can't just assume things, Barba. Innocent 'til proven guilty, you know."

Rafael looked as Robert walked away and then to Sonny's arm. "Fordham Law, if you don't know get your hand off of me, I swear to god I will sue you for harassment."

Sonny's eyes widened before lifting his arms up into the air in a defensive motion. He shook his head and started to walk away- stopping only to turn. "Where's your proof?" He smirked thinking he had played Barba at his own snarky game; but he didn't and Rafael scoffed before jaywalking to the opposite sidewalk.

He weaved through the morning rush of people, following a tall bald spot that seemed to take longer strides than he could. He moved quickly, briefcase slamming into his side with every step. As he muttered 'pardon me,' 'excuse me,' 'sorry, and all his expletives he usually waited until 11 to shout, he gained on him. Thank god for the stoplight because it was too early for this shit. He stopped just behind Robert who turned and did a double take, noticing the ADA behind him.

Shocked, he blurted, "Rafael?"

Rafael took a deep breath and furrowed his eyebrows. "What the hell was that?"

Robert perked an eyebrow and folded his arms, sighing. "I honestly don't know what you were talking about.'

"There. Back there. I saw you and that little _twink-" _Rafael's eyebrows jumped at the rarely used word.

"Rafi, don't play this game-" The walk sign appeared and the crowd moved across the street leaving the two men behind.

"Don't tell me what to do and certainly don't call me _Rafi," _he hissed back at him. Verbal venom seethed from his expressionless face. If years of courtroom banter taught him anything, he knew not to show emotion when arguing. It would display as though he had some vendetta, some-

"I told you not to make this weird, Rafael." Robert scoffed and topped it off with a smirk. Robert looked down at the man; Rafael was the shorter of the two. He sighed as his peripheral took notice of a clock. "I have to go."

"No. No, you're not. Not until you explain just what the hell is going on." Rafael spoke fast and raised his chin; his hawk like gaze zoning in on Robert. Truth be told, he felt a hit in his stomach after hearing that phrase again. _I told you not to make this weird. _Could he not feel jealous? Was that not justified?

"Rafael." Robert scratched the back of his neck in an annoyed manner. "Look. You know our agreement. Please. Settle down and we'll talk this over at lunch, okay?" He forced a smile and lifted his hand up to touch Rafael's shoulder, which was quickly swatted down.

"Don't you touch me."

"Raf-"

"**Don't.**" Finally, some readable expression exuded itself on Rafael's face as he shook his head. "Don't touch me. Don't call me. Do not think of me. If you intend to pursue me further, I fully intend to install a restraining order." His face screamed _back off _and he took a step back. Robert sighed and looked back at him.

"You're making a mistake." Robert took a step forward and Rafael instantly stepped back.

"I said no." And with that, Rafael was gone.

Sonny was in the middle of a jovial conversation with the precinct's newest intern when Rafael appeared from the elevator shaft.

"Sorry, I have to go." Sonny speed walked away from the new girl to Rafael's side and kept up with his quick pace. "Barba. Hey, how'd it go?' Rafael's legs were slightly shorter than Sonny's but he definitely moved quicker.

"Still on that harassment suit idea, Detective."

"Ah, come on. Liven up a bit! Just another fun day at SVU, Counselor. Cheer up!"

"Carisi, do your job." Rafael stopped and turned to Sonny, sighing. "Please?" For the first time in a while, Sonny detected defeat on Rafael's face. He knew this wasn't going to be his day- they both knew.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry." Rafael nodded before stepping away and Sonny called out: "let me know if ya need anything!" He grit his teeth. Could he be anymore of a kiss ass?

Sonny bounced a rubber band ball off of his desk and squinted as he once again zoned out in thought. Was that the guy from the night before? Tall, older guy. Thick head-a-hair with a bald spot on the back. Was that Barba's boyfriend? His sidetracked absentmindedness led the ball to Amanda's desk smacking her in the face.

"Ow- Sonny, what the hell?" She looked up and Sonny snapped back into reality.

"Shit. Rollins, I'm so sorry."

She threw a hand up and waved it off with a shake of her head. "What's up?"

Sonny shook his head. "Mind's wandering. S'all good." He faked his best smile.

She smirked, "Nah. I saw you. Something Barba said has got you rethinking your career, isn't it?" She let out a little laugh and it died offwhen she noticed Sonny's increasingly pale face. "Oh… He got you good, huh?"

Sonny leaned in across the table, looking around skeptically before clearing his throat and speaking in a low voice. "Hey uh… Barba. He's not uh, he's not you know-" Sonny shook his head a bit looking for an appropriate word and lowering his voice to an almost impossible whisper, "queer, huh?" He swallowed thickly.

Amanda's eyebrows went as her head lowered a bit before she burst into laughter.

Sonny pulled away and dragged his thumb against his lip with a shake of his head. "Yeah, okay. Alright, alright." He sat back in his desk and chewed on the inside of his cheek. Why was his imagination getting away from him? Maybe it _was_ all in his head. He'd be going out for drinks that night.

Sonny didn't change his outfit when he got off of work. He ditched the jacket though and loosened his tie, his black vest on for all to see. He just couldn't figure out where he'd be drinking tonight.

Sonny had had a few drinks with his Fordham buddies the night before and they had all gotten pretty tipsy when they decided to roam a bit deeper into the nightlife. That's when Sonny had noticed Barba go into O'Flanagan's with the possible boyfriend. _God, why did he care so much?_

Sonny knew why.

About ten minutes after Sonny had spotted Rafael that night, he felt himself being watched. He was surrounded. Men, drag queens, "executive transvestites" roamed the streets; all their eyes were glued on him. Sonny and the guys found themselves in the 'Northern Gay District' and they decided it was time to turn around. Sonny hesitated.

"You gay or something, Carisi?" One of his buddies asked with a growing smirk.

"Me? Nah." He looked over his shoulder. "I've driven through here before." He looked back to the guys and nodded his head a little bit. "There's a sports bar- a _straight _one- and they got a late runnin' happy hour. You taggin' along?"

His buddies laughed and shook their heads. "You're on your own, pretty boy." They waved goodbye and turned around, keeping their heads down as they left the area. He waited for them to turn the corner and a small smirk grew on his face. He lied. There was no '_straight' _sports bar, but there was a bar he had intended on going to.

Sonny did in fact know why he cared so much; he liked ADA Barba. The first time he had told him his suit was nice, he knew he was in too deep. One of Sonny's personal heroes was in fact Harvey Milk. Sonny knew he was _like that_ all along. Didn't mean he didn't want to address it. A gay New York cop? That's like writing a racist slur on his chest, and he didn't want his mom and sister coming to a parade in his honor. That's why he grew the mustache in. Thought maybe if he upped the masculinity, the squad wouldn't have given him as much shit as the last few had. But when he saw Rafael, he realized maybe he could open up. Just a bit, though. Those SVU cops seem ruthless- but he had seen the headlines, he had heard the water cooler rumors. The SVU cops all had their personal flaws but they all still were at the precinct- still going. The squad wouldn't judge.

So now he knew about Rafael but there were still some things he needed to uncover. He needed to put in some good old-fashioned detective work.

The city had its **_gay _**bars but it also had its gay bars. People knew how tough it was for some guys in the city, so a few rich uppity Wall Street investors set up a few bars in town where it was subtle. Usually the high-class type, three-piece suit guys with wives would frequent. Newly divorced guys, older experienced guys would make the rounds- and from a friend, Sonny now knew a certain assistant district attorney.

Once he was in, he flattened his vest lapel and took a deep breath as he scanned the room. Everyone in here fit the bill. He was sure he recognized some attorneys and doctors from previous cases and some high profiled politicians. If word got out these people were here, their careers would be over. That's what Sonny feared most.

After a look around or two, he noticed Barba sitting at the counter chatting with the bartender looking… relaxed. All the tension and caffeine that usually had his posture straight up like a board was gone; he slumped with his chin on his hand. Sonny smirked. A woman carrying a tray of glasses stopped by him and offered him up. Some hotshot won some sort of election and bought a round for the entire restaurant. He took a sip and his mouth opened in shock. This was good stuff, who the hell has that kind of money? Sonny remembered his plan and realized that if he was going to go through with this, he'd have to be a little bit more drunk. He took what he was sure was a $200 swig and shook it off, taking a moment to let the oxygen soothe the burns at the back of his throat. He made his way to the bar.

"No, I'm telling _you _that I could put you away for life without parole because that tie is a capital felony." Rafael laughed drunkenly sipped on his drink. The tall, dark bartender smiled at him softly- he must be a regular here.

"Strict dress code, honey." He looked up at Sonny who smiled softly at him and nodded to Rafael. Sonny mouthed for a beer and the bartender smirked. "Looks like you have yourself a client, Rafí." He set an amber pint out on the counter at the seat next to him and Sonny reached out and touched Rafael's shoulder.

"Erich, I'm not coercing Sond-" Rafael started to turn around and to his surprise, Detective puppy dog was smiling at him with a big stupid, probably drunken grin on his face. He froze. "C-C-"

"Hey, counselor. Come here often?" Sonny mentally noted to punch himself in the face when he got home.; another first impression blown.

"Carisi? What the _hell _are you doing here? Do you know where you are?" The shock must have sobered Rafael up pretty quickly because his face had grown red and he was back to his erect posture.

"I could ask you the same question, Barba."

Rafael's eyes widened and he buried his face into his hands. He groaned and muttered into his hands, "¡Dios mío!" His head jerked up. "Look how did you know I come here? Who do you plan to tell? Who's informing? Unless… Unless you're stalking me and if you are, I'm inclined to inform you that in a matter of three phone calls I can have your ass in-" Rafael's eyes closed and his mouth opened, stuttering; he was speechless. "Why are you laughing? This isn't funny. This is a serious matt-"

"You realize that I'm in 'ere for the same damn reason you are." Sonny smirked and sipped his beer, his face expressing the delight of luxury. He rested his cheek on his fist and watched Rafael gaging him for any reaction. Finally it came. Rafael's expression went from shock to what can only be classified as a shit eating grin.

"You mean you're-"

"Yup."

"You're totally sure?"

"Have been for a while."

"Like positively, one hundred percent?"

Sonny closed his eyes fondly and nodded, lips pressing into a soft smile.

"You're kidding me."

"I certainly am not. You're an attorney, you can tell if someone's lying."

"_No." _Rafael smirked. He totally called it. "Say it."

"What?"

"Say it. Say you like guys," he egged on, amused grin still plastered on his face.

"Seriously?"

"Come _on._" Rafael playfully shoved Sonny's shoulder. "You're totally, one hundred percent, absolutely, positively, tremendously-"

"Gay." Sonny interrupted with a laugh. "Shocking, huh?"

Rafael's mouth formed an 'o' as he looked away. When he looked back to Sonny, he had happy but horrified look on his face. "But that mustache."

Sonny rolled his eyes and took a swig of his beer. "Figured I had a chance but once I saw Fin, I knew I was out of my league."

Rafael just thought that this was just the greatest thing. Even better than the time he had caught a denying child predator in his own words and scared him so much, he pissed himself on the stand. He smiled at Sonny before holding the glass in front of his mouth. "Does the squad know?"

Sonny choked on his beer and Rafael took that as his definitive answer. Sonny pushed his sleeves up and shook his head. "Pretty sure Rollins and Amaro can smell an office scandal from a mile away."

"That's because they have their own." Rafael's eyebrows perked up in amusement.

Sonny looked back, dumbfounded and grinned. "Nuh-uh."

Rafael nodded and laughed. "Liv told me about a week ago. Said Fin caught 'em 'demasiado cerca para la comodidad.'"

Again, Sonny looked back dumbfounded. "Too close for comfort." He smiled. "Sorry, sometimes while tipsy, I forget I'm not around Spanish speakers."

"Hey, I took it in high school!" Sonny retorted with a grin.

Rafael shook his head. "You're kidding yourself. If you think two years of-" and then Rafael did a terribly Southern accent butchering a simple Spanish phrase, "counts you as fluent, then you're un tonto."

Sonny decided maybe it was best to focus on his beer for the time being.

They talked for two hours, and proceeded to get drunker in those two hours as well. By three a.m., they were outside of the bar walking back towards their normal stomping grounds. The two were getting a little bit touchy and they laughed it off. Rafael had called a cab a few blocks later and turned to Sonny. "I-I really needed this." He smiled drunkenly. Sonny just grinned like the tall human form of a golden retriever he was. Rafael laughed. "Why you smilin' like that?" Sonny smirked.

"'Cause you're cute n' tolerable when you're _drunk._" They both laughed and Rafael reached his hand out and ran the back of two of his knuckles down Sonny's bicep.

"You're sweet. Hm." He hummed contently and looked back up to him.

Sonny watched as Rafael's mental gears started working. Maybe it was the booze but he knew something was going on in there."Can I kiss you?"

Rafael grinned and drunk-mumbled, "what?"

"I'm totally want to kiss you right now and I think I'm gonna do it."

"Nuh-uh."

"Yup."

Before he knew it, he had no control over his body and leaned forward and pressed his lips to Rafael's before retracting and looking almost horrified. But just as he was about to apologize, Rafael swooped in, grabbed his waist and _really _kissed him. It lasted a moment before Rafael pulled away, hearing the taxi engine slow down to a halt behind them. He looked at Sonny with a devious grin. "You ready to take this to trial?" What the fuck kind of proposal was _that_? Rafael reminded himself to erase this memory from his brain before he was sober. His mind was partially numb, but he felt that embarrassment.

Sonny smiled and kissed Rafael on the lips quickly before smiling at him, eyes moving all around his face, "you've been served." He opened the cab door and Rafael laughed at him before entering the cab.

They'd have fun that night.


	4. Blowout

When Sonny awoke that morning, the sweet scent of coffee filled the air and his nostrils. He couldn't tell you where he was or how he had gotten there, but he could tell you head was throbbing intensely. He palmed his eyes and then his temples before he sat up to gauge his surroundings. He was in a bed, he had gone home with someone obviously since it wasn't his own, but whose could it have been? He was clothed- which was odd. His vest and tie were strung across the bedside table and his belt was around his waist- so what had happened exactly? By the time he was on his feet, he had realized that his shoes weren't with his other items of clothing.

The sun was _too damn bright _for eight a.m. so Sonny retreated to the windowless bathroom to splash some water on his face. The bathroom was fairly clean and kept in a very specific way; a washcloth laid out with a razor and toothbrush already used and drying laid on it. He tousled his hair a bit, noticing it was in a rather bed headed state and then checked his phone. Two missed calls from Liv. Shit. A few texts from his buddies asking him to hang out later in the night and one from his sister texting about brunch plans. Just as he was about to slip it into his pocket, it dinged. Sonny narrowed his eyes as he looked at the bright screen.

**Barba, **8:21 a.m.  
_'You're up. Kitchen. Now."_

Once Sonny had decoded the message, faint memories began to return to his mind. He remembered the plan to confront Rafael, but he hadn't intended on coming home with him- had he? He remembered that they talked about law school and Cuba and their families and nothing seemed concrete. If he was to be honest, he was a little embarrassed right then and didn't quite know how to approach Rafael. But he knew he had to and he straightened his vest and entered the kitchen. Sonny set his tie next to Rafael's on the counter.

Sonny strode in and cleared his throat before speaking. "Hey, Liv called me and I think I have to-"

"I called her. She thinks you're at the DA's office picking up case files. Sit, detective." Rafael definitely wasn't in the same outfit as yesterday; he was in a faintly striped button down with suspenders and an undone vest. He plucked little fibers off of his vest as he spoke. "About last night…"

Sonny's eyes adjusted and he felt his ears go red in embarrassment. He tried to remember any detail he could about the night prior. Everything was a blur after about two drinks in with Rafael. He didn't even remember leaving the bar. How come he'd remembered what happened last night and Sonny hadn't. He shook his head realizing he was zoning out and bluntly asked Rafael the question. "Did we-"

Rafael sighed knowing Sonny had missed everything he just said but he knew the question was better answered early than later. "If you're asking we had sex, I can tell you with a hundred percent validity that we did not." A flush halfway of relief and disappointment took over Sonny. "However, we did engage in other conduct I'd be willing to disclose after I've had three cups of coffee. It's too early for this. Here." He pulled a cup from his Nespresso and handed it to Sonny.

Sonny took it gratefully and began to sip it down. He was a little surprised at Rafael's apartment. He had imagined it would be bigger, more impressive, but it wasn't. It actually made sense since Rafael was just a single guy who worked most of his time. With that in mind, it was still rather nice since he probably had people over for dinner- if he knew anyone. He waited for Rafael to chug down another cup before asking. "So- what did we do exactly?"

Rafael had explained the events of their little escapade and then they were left in silence. Sonny opened his mouth to speak before Rafael again cut him off. "Listen. This us too risky. We can't do this again." Sonny tried not frown, but it happened and he couldn't take it back. "Everybody in SVU has had at least two run-ins with IAB. One more and all of you are going to be working narcotics.

"Last thing I want is to deal with the Rat Squad in my first year. " Sonny was quiet for a moment in thought as Rafael sipped on his coffee- now in a to go cup- before he spoke. He was almost hesitant. Rafael could hear that. "Let's say we were to continue this."

"From this point on this conversation is completely hypothetical, understood?" Rafael had had his coffee, meaning he had transformed into Assistant District Attorney Barba; not the _Rafi _he had found tipsy in a bar. Rafael had to bite his tongue before saying something he didn't want to but knew he was going to eventually. Sonny ignored it. "_Go on."_

"Couldn't we like declare it? That way we don't hafta-"

"Carisi, I'm going to go ahead and interrupt you and point something out. The last thing that IAB wants to hear is that the Manhattan ADA and an SVU Detective are- erm, engaged in a sexual encounter. Secondly, that would mean that every case you and I worked on, meaning all I've assisted in within the past two months would have to be reopened and thoroughly investigated."

"We won those fair and square, what are you talking about?"

"Detective, you and I both know that due to the stressful nature the cases we deal with on a daily basis, the Special Victims Unit sometimes utilizes unauthorized and," Rafael made finger quotes, "unorthodox methods." Sonny shrugged and scratched the back of his neck listening. He had nothing to say. Besides, any attempt at a squabble with Barba in his prime would surely come up as a loss for the young detective. "What happened last night just cannot happen again."

"But we didn't even fuck, I don't get it?" Sonny blurted out. He didn't mean to, but he wanted to know. "Why would they get upset over a personal encounter? We're not doing anything illegal. Unethical, maybe."

"Because drunken blowjobs and intoxicated frotting at the ADA's apartment in the midst of a high profile case are just as good a reason, perhaps better than a good _fuck_, Detective." Barba pressed his lips together in a 'deal with it' type fashion, which caused Sonny to remember that Rafael was in fact a dick without the booze. Really, Rafael was just in an uncomfortable situation so he built up the façade.

Rafael looked at his watch. "That should equivocate to just the right amount of time for you to stop by my office and give us enough time _presumably_ to pick up coffee for the squad." He retrieved some files from the counter and set them in front of Sonny. "These are the contents of Dan Winthrop's online chats with the supposed victims. If Liv asks, you got these from my secretary and we bumped into one another and decided to take my car. Environmentally friendly government servants." He smiled lightly and they headed out, each grabbing a tie.

"Carisi, Barba, you're late." Olivia smiled at the duo and took one of the coffees off of the tray and returned to the squad's meeting at the whiteboard and table. Rafael removed his coat and stood to the side, while Sonny took a seat next to Fin and distributed the coffees.

"_This," _Amanda said as she pointed to the sketched out picture of a man with a hood on, "is our vic's rendering of her assailant on the night she was attacked."

"I don't get it, some executioner fantasy?" Nick asked regarding the hood.

"Classic, dark power struggle. Written in the books, but how does she know this is America's hero, Dan Winthrop?" Rafael chimed in. "Has he ever mentioned any interest in medieval _torture _fashion in an interview? Specific interest at the Washington Museum of Crime and Punishment?" He smirked. _What a tool, _Sonny thought.

"Nothing of that nature, but we have uncovered another witness statement that displays a perp with a similar M.O. and description." Liv chimed in, tacking another woman's picture to the board. "Chivonne Vandergraft: high political socialite from the Eastside. Claims she was walking back from a rally in the meatpacking district when she was thrown into an alleyway and beaten and raped by a man in a hood. Used a set of keys to cut her, too."

"She was, though. You saw her yesterday. Although, can't be sure it was our perp. She did have signs of prior trauma and abuse; makeup concealing a black eye, she flinched when she saw me." Nick nodded, tapping the button of his pen against some paperwork. Sonny began to search through the file; he had made sure to look over it on the ride to the precinct, just to back up his alibi.

"Well, you are a man." Liv retorted.

"Rape victims often show immediate PTSD towards anyone remotely resembles their rapist. That's why I had to take over. She was more comfortable answering these questions with a woman." Amanda chimed in to Nick. He could be a little insensitive sometimes, but he did have a point.

"Still. Maybe Winthrop's not our guy. I'm not a 6'5 black man."

Fin piped up, "yeah and I'm close to that. She didn't even react to me the way she did to Nick. And I'm the scary ass M.F."

Barba pressed his lips together inquisitively and raised his chin. "He does have a point there." He looked over Sonny's shoulder at the text log, "hold on, wait a second," and pressed his hand on the page. His finger ran along a few sentences of dialogue as he read along. "Chivonne says 'I do love the occasional chocolate, but I'm more of a salsa lady myself.' Meaning she's got a preference for latino men."

"Which explains the shock she had when she saw Nick." Liv realized the situation and looked at the board before looking to the squad. "So we do have a connection between our guy and vic #2, but is it coincidental?"

"Maybe it was a copycat crime by one of his buddies." Nick scratched his chin as he listened. He jotted down some notes because he felt personally connected to the case in some way. He would take the assignment. "Maybe Winthrop disclosed her information, possibly her schedule, to a friend on the team-"

"And then the pervert decided to take her Salsa dancing." Fin quipped. Sonny and Rafael both managed to simultaneously roll their eyes. It was like Fin was born to make an obvious, but stupid, observation at any given moment. Needless to say, the squad loved him regardless.

"Amaro, Fin: you go down to the arena and step in on practice. Scope out for any Hispanic players or find out if Winthrop's got any pals of the sort." Liv barked out her orders to which everyone immediately obliged. "Barba, come sit in on this interview with me. Rollins and Carisi, look over the chat logs and try to find out if Chivonne talked to anyone fitting the new description." She entered her office with Barba and they waited for a blonde woman, Chivonne's secretary, to arrive who they questioned for a while.

Sonny and Amanda divided up the file and they sipped on their cooling beverages as they skimmed the pages. Amanda was the first to break the conversation from being about anything work related. "Rough night?" She smirked. Why would she be smirking? He looked at her dumbfounded.

"No."

"Didja pull an all-nighter?" She grinned, looking up from the file. This was kind of getting on Sonny's nerves.

"I slept fine, like a baby. What are you getting at?" Sonny barked back a little more defensively than he had intended.

"You're wearing the same thing you were yesterday. Although, you did change your tie, so you must have made a little effort. Mix-up in paradise?" Sonny looked horrified, looking down at the tie, which was definitely Rafael's. Thankfully it matched his outfit, but he did work with other detectives who were trained in the art of remembering detail.

"Late night. Fordham buddies. Big paper due this weekend." He hoped his story would fly but he knew Amanda was catching up to him.

She teased with her gentle, Southern drawl, "from experience. Make sure you separate your things. Otherwise, next thing you know, you've got the wrong badge on." Sonny's eyes widened and she got up, patted him on the shoulder, and retreated to the break room. He didn't know whether he was more horrified at the fact he was basically caught, or Amanda totally just admitted to an intra-squad affair.

Olivia and Rafael emerged from the meeting with essentially nothing aside from the fact that Chivonne's assistant was the epitome of a ditz. "What kind of person who is paid to know exactly what someone is doing, doesn't pay attention to what exactly their employer is doing?" Rafael groaned pressing his face to his hands. "That throws out our first alibi."

"We'll figure it out." Olivia smiled and pressed her own lips together as she often did when sympathizing with someone. "Always do." Rafael looked up and shook his head and gave a tired half groan-half laugh. "What's stressing you? You've seemed pretty out of it the past two days."

"What? I haven't insulted enough people today?"

"I'm just saying." She looked at the picture of Noah on her desk and sighed. "You ever wish for a family, Barba? Do you want kids?"

Rafael was a bit taken back by the question. Not was he was expecting, but he was grateful to hear something other than the same work related stuff. "I do," he quietly responded after a while. He didn't often disclose personal information like this unless the person was immensely trusted or he had just started his fifth scotch or third mojito. Not the shitty, New-York-sweet ones most bars gave out. He wanted authenticity; it needed to be like firewater- his dad always said it grew your balls hair. He hated the bastard now and cringed every time he thought of him, but he did know his liquor and Rafael had to side on him with this, even if it was the only thing he ever did.

"You do?" Olivia looked at him as though she feared for the poor child who would have to call Rafael Barba their dad. Although, she knew the real Rafael for the most part, and if she loved him so much, then a child probably could instantly.

"I may be standoffish in the courtroom, but I do have a paternal instinct. I do want to protect and nurture someone who is my own blood." He cleared his throat when Liv started to zone out. She blamed it on her schedule, but she was just remembering the last time Rafael had stopped by and interacted with Noah. She had just left the room with Barba and his outstretched arms holding her son, when Rafael pulled the infant in close on his lap. He pulled at his pocket square and Rafael addressed him as 'dulzura' and 'cariño' and spoke to him in Spanglish. Truth be told, she witnessed it a few times, and she would never reveal this fact. It always made her smile. If it weren't Uncle Nick, it'd be Rafael to be the one to teach Noah some Spanish. Maybe that would be another reason to keep inviting him over.

Rafael continued on. "I do want to be a better dad than mine was."

"God knows I want to be a better parent than either of mine were. Wouldn't wish being an orphan on my worst enemy." Rafael frowned and Carisi classically cut the moment short.

"Am I interrupting something?" Sonny opened the door holding the case file in one hand, and his phone in the other. Olivia shook her head and Rafael did his best to avoid direct eye contact.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Nick and Fin have got someone. Gabriel Contreras, down at the University." Olivia nodded and grabbed her gun and shield before exiting the office. Rafael remained in the chair and Sonny entered and shut the door, making his way to the desk to sit.

"What could you possibly want right now?" Rafael got up and made sure the office's blinds were shut completely. "One on one conversations really aren't what we should be having right now-" Rafael's eyes grew wide and Sonny loosened his tie. The Cuban-American's face grew red as he made the connection. "Oh, shit."

The case didn't go to trial because Gabriel confessed on the spot and made life so much easier for Rafael. After a week or so had passed, Barba found himself having a late night case reviewal session. Nick and Sonny were at their desks filling out some initial reports from their scene. Rafael always looked over once he heard Sonny laughing at something Nick had said.

Rafael would be lying to himself if he said he wasn't attracted to the blonde detective. He definitely was physically, but he was learning to get past his kiss ass mentality. Rafael would smile along whenever Sonny chuckled in delight. He tried to play it off, but Sonny caught him peeking once, which caused Barba to hide his blush in a stack of paperwork.

Soon enough, Nick headed out after receiving a text which Rafael and Sonny both knew was probably from Amanda. Rafael also looked at his phone.

**Carisi, **11:56 p.m.  
_'Take a picture. It'll last longer.'_

He laughed and looked up. Sonny was walking towards his desk with the face of a golden retriever and the stride of the most majestic gazelle-giraffe hybrid he had ever encountered. "Detective."

"Barba." Sonny grinned. "You heading out soon?"

"I think I'm gonna have to lock in some OT, actually. I might be on to something." Rafael sipped on an unmarked to go cup and Sonny wondered whether it was a soda or Rafael's umpteenth cup of coffee that day.

"I could make it worthwhile?" Rafael almost choked.

"You _what?" _

"I could make this overtime a little more bearable for you." Sonny smirked trying his best to be remotely seductive.

"In the place we work…"

"Yupp."

"Where there are cameras…"

"Yupp."

"And our coworkers…"

"Yupp."

"With the possibility of anyone walking in at any given moment, you have got to be joking, we said we wouldn't do that again." Rafael spoke quickly, he was nervous and taken aback.

"There's a bathroom."

"Which is probably hideously germ infected. No."

"I'll be the one on his knees. You won't have to touch the floor."

Rafael choked on the drink he was sipping on and realized that maybe Sonny's tie was too small for him; too tight. He couldn't dismiss the knot in his stomach, however. He wanted to say yes, but he wanted to say no just as much.

"Orgasms release stress and relax your muscles. That's what you need right now." Sonny leaned in on the desk and grinned deviously. "Let me soothe you, Counselor."

Rafael's mouth was smaller than usual and his eyes were wide open. With the thought that this was probably the stupidest thing he did on the job, he looked at his papers as he continued to write. "I'll meet you in the bathroom in ten minutes, third stall from the right."

And with that, Sonny marched off with a victory fist pump while Rafael awkwardly shifted in his seat. "Son of a bitch."

Rafael, being the punctual bastard he was, strode into the bathroom precisely ten minutes later. He leaned down to check the stalls, noting nobody in any of them until he came to the third stall from the right. He smirked and knocked.

"Occupado!" Sonny responded- he noticed Barba peering through the crack in the door and grinned, lifting his foot up to let him in. "Hello, Raf-"

Barba lifted a hand up to cover the other's mouth, then pressing up to the door behind him as it closed. "Shh." He ran a hand through his own hair nervously- what was he thinking? This was ridiculous. They couldn't be doing this now, here. He was just about to suggest going back to his place for the second night in a row when he felt the warmness of a hand against his thigh. He stuttered on his words, lifting his chin up higher. "O-oh."

Sonny grinned. He'd known that would shut him up. His hand ran against the silky texture of Rafael's dress pants and he looked up at him knowingly, proud that he would actually get to remember tonight. Rafael shifted his feet- a subconscious nervous habit that he had. Sometimes his feet would get going in the middle of court, but he couldn't control it. His left one shifted thrice before he planted a firm grip on the ground. "Jesus- this has got to be a quick thing, okay? I have two more files I need to- ¡Dios mío!" Rafael's head leaned back against the stall door as Sonny had palmed his erection.

He tried to keep his mind on the pleasure but he was too worried about someone coming in. Sonny looked up at him, "I thought you told _me _to be quiet." If Rafael weren't trying to keep his cool right now, he'd probably slap that smirk right off of his face. Sonny grasped the belt buckle and undid it with his left hand in an experienced manner. Rafael wondered how many times Sonny had blown a guy in a bathroom stall. A flash of a memory returned from the night prior and he smirked, wondering how many times Sonny had even blown someone. Suddenly, Rafael felt a warm and wet pressure around his length and his pants drop to his knees. Oh, he definitely had experience.

Thankfully, Sonny had acquired enough knowledge to know how to avoid the unattractive slurps and gulping sounds often attributed to sloppy blowjobs and bobbed his head quickly, looking up at Rafael through his eyelashes. He knew Rafael wanted it quick, but they both knew if they were in another place and time, their stamina could let this last. Rafael ran a hand along his waist, feeling his stomach coil. It had to have been the added risk of someone walking in at any moment, which rocketed him to climax. Soon enough, Sonny's tongue would be dragging along Barba and Barba would be gone. Sonny tried not to blush when he heard Rafael mutter his first name in his post orgasmic bliss.

Sonny helped clean the situation up and tucked in his pants and buckled them back up. He stayed sitting when he was finished, smiling at Rafael. "What?"

"If you weren't good at what you do, I'd sue you."

"Sure you would."

"Now, I need to, I should-" Rafael shifted awkwardly, starting to turn and Sonny stood up.

"Wait, one more thing."

Rafael perked an eyebrow and tilted his head. Sure enough, Sonny pressed his lips to Rafael's and ran his thumb along Rafael's bottom lip.

"Let's make a deal." Sonny locked eyes with Rafael and they both knew what each other would do when they got home. "When cases get too stressful and ya need a bit of reassurance, I'll be here." He smirked wiping his own lip off and exiting the stall. "You got my number!" He shouted out before exiting the room entirely.

Rafael shut the door and stayed in the stall another fifteen minutes just in case anyone was nearby to hear Sonny's proposition. He noted to get started on his will and testament because Sonny Carisi was definitely going to get his ass killed.


	5. Un Amante

"Since when do you wear glasses?" Sonny smirked looking over at the bespectacled attorney who sat next to him on the couch. Rafael looked down over a cardboard box enclosing some old mock case files from his college days.

"Since the day my eyes gave up on me." He pressed his lips together, flipping through the pages with a slight nostalgia in his mind. "I'm old."

The rain was coming down pretty heavy and Sonny had the day off, so he opted to spend it with Rafael. Sonny had worn an NYPD hoodie and some sweatpants from the academy and curled up into a ball. This was the first time he had ever had Rafael over. It wasn't so much as he didn't want him there, it was just he was nervous. Sonny had been nervous about having the attorney over because he initially thought Rafael lived in a hoity-toity penthouse.

But he had learned he was wrong. Rafael barely had any food in the house, aside from snacks for the occasional visitor. He was just a guy. Sonny found it hard to wrap his head around. Their first two encounters always made him smile because they proved that Rafael was a human being. To say the least, their excursions continued. Whether it was Fordham study sessions, after work drinks, coffee breaks, or _stop and frisks _at Rafael's apartment, the two began to spend a bit more unprofessional time together. It was a win-win situation: Rafael got free coffee and some companionate R&amp;R and Sonny got homework help and got to hang out with Rafael.

Sonny had a mock trial of his own coming up, and Rafael had decided he would pass on some wisdom from his own law school days. Fordham University's law program was probably nowhere near Harvard's, but he felt like that would give Sonny the one up. It made Rafael's ego boost ten fold just thinking about how Sonny would be the top of his class and it was _all _thanks to him.

And Sonny _was_ doing great in school! After all, the Manhattan ADA was his boy-

"Aha! Found it." Rafael removed the file from the stack and set it on Sonny's lap. It sort of knock Sonny out of whatever haze he was zoned out on and he rolled his eyes.

"Jeez, Raf, another?" He furrowed his brows looking down at the brown file. Time had been good to the folder since Rafael kept every prized possession in its utmost condition. The edges had faint creases in them and the sides frayed a bit- probably due to Rafael's nervous paper twiddling habit. Sonny ran his finger alongside of it and smiled when he saw 'Barba, Rafael' scribbled on the front with a fountain pen.

The pen was a gift from Rafael's abuelita prior to when his acceptance. He spent everyday on the front stoop waiting for his letter to arrive. Alex had gotten his letters already and a few other kids from the neighborhood who were lucky enough to go to school had received theirs already, too.

Everyday, he'd sit with his homework and wait for the letter to arrive. The postman would shake his head and hand him some bills for his parents and he'd go inside. His dad told him daily to give up the wait, after all, how would an idiot like Rafi get into a school like Harvard. Nobody would take a chance on a ragdoll like him.

One night, Rafael's abuelita crept into his room and handed him a black box. She smiled at him and nodded for him to open it. Inside, carefully placed, was a black and silver Scheaffer fountain pen. He tried not to accept such an expensive and luxury item, but she pushed it back to him.

"La pluma es más poderosa que la espada, mijo." She smiled. _The pen is mightier than the sword. _"Bring justice to the little people. Give what you have never received."

"Abuelita, this must have cost a fortune. Esto es demasiado caro, I-I can't accept this!" It _was _too much of a gift. Even she knew that. But half of her wanted to compensate Rafael if his letter never came and the other half wanted to give him the pen that he'd officially sign his name with.

Rafael never stopped using his pen. The company was still in business and whenever he bought ink, he bought in bulk. He intended the pen to last long after he either a) retired or b) died.

Sonny lightly touched Rafael's name and grinned. He knew this had to have been written by the pen Rafael carried with him everywhere. He decided to not bring it up as it was probably a tender memory. So he brought up the case instead.

"How does this have to do with my trial?" He looked up at the attorney who was caught zoning out himself.

"Hm?" Rafael looked over and his eyes took notice of the file the detective held onto. "Oh. Right. In the file, you'll find an old prepared brief of mine. At the beginning of the case-"

"I'll hand it to the judge, yeah I know." Carisi nodded, scratching the back of his neck (just for the sake of doing _something _with his hands) and yawned. When Rafael had said he was coming over to study, he really didn't think Rafael was coming over to study. It was a letdown, but more so a relief. He needed help with this case. "Go on."

"You said your trial was based on Roe V. Wade, correct?" Rafael consulted the inner law workings of his mind before disassembling the case file in Sonny's lap. Sonny made an agreeing sound before Rafael moved on. "So I assume, you've already prepared an opening statement. Pro or con?"

Sonny looked at Rafael as though he was going to say the wrong answer. He was a lawyer, so he had to have been pro-choice. But he also was a catholic, so maybe he was pro-life. He had never gotten into super deep conversations like this before with him so he furrowed his eyebrows.

"Carisi, answer the question."

"I'm for choice. I mean, I 'm arguing for choice…" He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head a bit, trying to read Barba's expression. "But I'm totally pro-choice."

Barba sighed with relief and nodded. "Good, the law, and my ivy league homework are on your side. Have you decided your questions?"

They dragged on like that for an hour or so; Rafael drilling the hard hitting questions while Sonny sighed and rambled off whatever factoids he remembered to please the ADA. Rafael's dying patience was awarded with an espresso and a tall blonde detective later that afternoon.

Rafael slipped on a jogging jacket and decided to head out for a run once the rain died down. He loved it when the city had forced all its inhabitants indoors. That just meant there was less bullshit to deal with once he crossed his threshold. He had invited Sonny out for the exercise, but Sonny's mind was set on a classic MLB documentary and a bag of Cheetos. Oh, what Rafael would do to be young again.

Rafael had run his usual route through smaller parks and along the river, sniggering once he passed by Hudson University. He lost track of the amount of kids he had put away from that school. Even when he was working at the Brooklyn office, the school had a terrible rep. Once again, he found himself responsible for someone's college performance; just another tick to add to the record.

On his run, however, he didn't intend to run into Olivia. Rafael had decided to take a break and stop at a bodega for water and when he exited, there she was- complete with two of her bullpen detectives.

"Barba?" Rollins smiled, eyeing the counselor up and down, smiling particularly hard at his running pants. Olivia gawked a little bit while Fin didn't even attempt to stifle his laughter.

"Bro, can you even feel yourself right now?" Rafael rolled his eyes at the comment.

"Detectives." Rafael sipped on his water and stood with his hands on his hips. "Out and about with your kiddies today, I see." He smirked.

"Alright, Serge. We'll head over to that scene now." Fin tapped Olivia's shoulder and pursed his lips at Barba before following after Amanda.

"Sorry about that." She raised her eyebrows in her typical Benson fashion and started walking. Barba took that as code for 'walk and talk.' "You know I was actually just about to call you-"

"Do you guys _ever _take a day off?" Rafael interrupted as he watched their feet marching in stride.

Olivia smiled lightly. During her time at SVU, the Sergeant had racked up countless vacation days; something she was grateful for now that she was a parent. "Says the elusive Sex Crimes ADA. Don't _you _ever take a day off?"

Rafael stopped and gestured to his outfit with a _duh _type smirk on his face. "I wouldn't be caught dead in this if it were a working day. You should know better."

"Yeah, well it is a working day." She stopped walking and turned around pressed her lips together as her eyebrows perked. Her arms flopped to her sides, "we need your help."

Rafael downed his water and followed Olivia around the corner where squad cars lined the street and yellow police tape signaled he had a job to do.

**Carisi, **4:45 p.m.  
_''Hey, you good? You promised you'd text back. I have pizza?"_

Rafael grit his teeth, suddenly annoyed that he valued his career. He would give anything to go home and finish out the day with Sonny, but currently he was greeted by a quivering victim in an alleyway and the entirety of the SVU squadron.

**Barba, **4:47 p.m.  
_'Rain check? Ran into your sergeant. Assault across from Andromeda's. "_

**Carisi, **4:48 p.m.  
_'On my way."_

"Liv, I hope this doesn't frighten you, but it should be known that I'm not a detective." He quipped, looking over her shoulder to gauge the scene. He really wanted that pizza right about now. He ran his hand over his face and groaned. "Why am I here? You mentioned you were about to call me?"

"The vic asked for you." Olivia's mouth flat lined.

"… I'm sorry?"

"Rafael." Her voice trailed off and became quiet. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to take a statement."

"Liv, who's the victim?" Rafael's voice grew in worry, his exterior remaining in its numb Barba state.

"Gregory Chase."

And with that, Rafael felt his heart stop.

Back at the bullpen, Rafael was sat in the interrogation room with Olivia and Nick. Outside the room, Sonny watched with Amanda.

"Why are you worrying so much?" The blonde detective looked up at Sonny and watched his eyes dart all around the room.

"He doesn't need to be in there. He didn't do anything."

"We know he didn't do anything."

"So why's he in there?"

"Because, on arrival, the acting officer reported that the vic cried out Rafael's name."

"So? There are hundreds of Rafaels in New York. Are you kidding?"

"There's only one Rafael Barba." She turned the dial under the window up and listened in.

"Barba, look. We need to know how you know this guy? Former client? Any and all information is useful. We need to gather-"

"I know the spiel, amigo." Rafael looked up and rolled his neck. He knew Rollins and Sonny were watching and he slightly felt bad for submitting him to this kind of torture. Rafael felt like he had to pretend like he wasn't bothered by this, but in reality it was killing him.

"We just need to know." Olivia chimed in and just as she was about to sit at the table, three knocks hit the door and she was signaled to leave along with Sonny and Amanda.

Alone now, Nick looked at Rafael whose face was hidden in his hands. "Rafael. Off the record…" He leaned in across the table and lowered his voice. "This guy… You weren't- He wasn't a-" Nick cleared his throat and tilted his head. _"Un amante?"_

Rafael ran his hand along his forehead and took a deep breath. "Sí." Nick pulled back and raised his eyebrows at the new bit of knowledge he had just acquired. Rafael stabbed him with his eyes. Now wasn't the time for this realization to shock things. Now that Nick knew this, the entire squad would have to know. And because of the timing, Sonny would be thrown into the mix. Eyes would all be on them. They would have to pause things, or worse, cut them off completely. Rafael's heart hurt and he didn't want to impose the torture of the IAB on Sonny. There was the over looming risk of an investigation and possible lateral transfer on the table. The last thing he wanted was for Sonny to have to start yet _another _new job.

"Look. I'm not supposed to say anything, but-" Rafael looked up, torn away from his harrowing fantasy for only moment. Nick fiddled with his hands. "The vic-"

"Gregory."

"Gregory. He uh, he called your name."

"I was at the scene, this was disclosed to me. Why does this present itself as news, detective?"

"It wasn't a random thing. They said," Nick opened up the file on the desk with an on scene witness statement and consulted it, reading off: "this is for Rafael Barba. This is all for him. He's next."


	6. Un Hombre

"Just let me do _something._"

"Rafael you sound like a four year old. I could let you in on Noah's play date if we still have time." She looked at her watch the way he looked at her: annoyed. The sergeant folded her arms and sighed. "Look I don't know what you want me to say."

"Say, '_here you go, Rafi. File these papers for me; go get some coffee; go back to your office,' _or better yet, '_go home." _His final suggestion was ripe with venom- he spat it out like he found out his five-course meal had a bit of human in every bite.

"Barba," Olivia loudly sighed and craned her neck. "You know I can't let you leave without supervision."

"Oh _please, _you've let plenty of victims leave without an escort; why can't you let me go?" Barba stared at Olivia who seemed to be searching for words that didn't exist. They both knew very well that she could let him leave, _unattended _of course, but she had a bad feeling. Olivia had experiences with these kinds of threats. What had happened with her and Lewis- god, she wouldn't wish that on her own worst enemy. The last thing she'd want is to find Barba kidnapped and…

She sighed. Her eyes scanned over the ADA. He was a little younger than her- not by much- but he had the bite in him like a man who wasn't a day over thirty. He was not going to give it up. Olivia knew what to do in situations like this with suspects who were unruly. She wouldn't compare Rafael to a suspect but he certainly was acting like one. She would have to compromise. Rafael was a lawyer and he also happened to be Rafael Barba, so the compromise would be inevitable.

"Look, if you really want to get out of here then you can-" she brushed her hair back behind her ear and shrugged in her classic fashion, pursing her lips and perking her brows before asking, "how does coffee sound?"

Rafael's lawyer smirk spread across his face instantaneously.

Sonny had spent the past few days watching out for Rafael. Well, more so just _watching _him. He had overheard Nick and Fin talking about his confession. Nick seemed hesitant as he spoke so there had to be more involved, but all he knew was that Nick told Barba exactly what the Vic had said.

Sonny was getting worried. And when Sonny got worried, his knee got jumpy. Olivia had him on deskwork so he was getting antsy. Any chance he had to escape the bullpen, he took- albeit a limited amount of options. If he heard the slightest stomach growl or talk of food, he already had his coat in hand and made his way out the door. Unfortunately for Sonny, Rafael wasn't always in the office, so his wallet kept finding itself paying for food for people who were _only _just starting to appreciate him.

On this particular day, Olivia and Rafael had gone out for coffee for the fifth time in a week and Sonny was more and more nervous each time. He expected a text or something, anything; but they never came. Rafael was content and right now he didn't need Sonny.

His knee kept bouncing.

"Okay. That's it. Rollins, call a bus, I'm gonna amputate it." Nick pushed back from his desk, sliding in his rolling chair. He slapped his hands to his thighs and his eyes shot straight to Sonny's leg.

"What?" Sonny turned and looked at Nick who was eyeing him intensely. He hadn't realized it was that bad. Fin laughed and walked to go get some snacks from his locker and Amanda shook her head, placing a hand on Nick's shoulder.

"Hon, your knee."

"What about it?" Sonny crossed his legs- the bounce was stopped indefinitely.

"What about it? _What about it? _My god, it sounds like we're living under a samba studio; calm that thing." Nick spat back. Amanda lightly shoved his chair and sat on the corner of Nick's desk. That got him to shut up a bit for the least.

"I'm sorry. Really. I didn't know." Sonny started to turn back to his work when Nick got up to tend to a phone call with Zara. Amanda watched him walk away and then watched Sonny as he started to get back to work. Sonny felt the eyes like a tigress was stalking him. He stared at his work but he knew he had to say something. And right as he started to, she cut him off. "Look-"

"Is it Barba?"

Sonny raised his chin a little higher, folded his arms and grit his teeth, looking at her. She pressed her lips together and sat in Nick's chair, sliding it over to him and speaking low and breathy as she often did.

"He'll be fine…" She spoke with an uncertainty that Sonny too felt. He didn't know if that was the truth either. As much as he wanted to believe that Rafael would be fine, still in his stomach remained a pit of longing and fear. Usually he was able to be the positive outlook on things, but he just didn't know. Neither did Amanda. They both frowned. "He's got Olivia, Nick, you, me and Fin and someone even called in Munch to keep an ear out. He's got the greatest detectives on watch."

"Yeah but he's also got the greatest crook on watch, too."

Amanda sighed. "You just need to keep positive about this entire thing."

"I know it's gonna happen again. If not Rafael, then someone else."

"We're sort of at a stalemate, pal." She pursed her lips, looking at Sonny with sad eyes. "We're still waiting on the rape kit. Backlog is so far behind. We put a rush on it but we need to be careful so we don't end up contaminating evidence. Staten Island just got in trouble for a whole chain of custody thing. " She put her hand gently on his shoulder and frowned. "He's going to be okay."

Nick ran his hand over his mouth as he sighed, looking at him with trying eyes. "I'm going to do my best to keep him safe."

"Your best isn't going to save his life." Sonny stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder and narrowed his eyes, deep in thought. "Sorry, I got to go." Sonny took off right as Rafael and Olivia returned, laughing.

Rafael stood in his spot with two coffees in his hand; smile fading as the tall detective passed him by. "Where's he going? I just got him one of those super specific mochas he's been talking about." The ADA looked at Nick and Amanda whose mouths were straight lines and they shrugged.

"Barba, he's really worried about you." Amanda sighed, nodding to Olivia as she was handed a coffee. Rafael sighed himself and turned around to leave.

"Not so fast, abogado. I'll come with you." Nick grabbed his coat when Rafael shut him down.

"No." Rafael pivoted on his foot and looked at the Cuban with his quintessential attorney face. "I need to talk to him. One on one." Nick nodded, setting his coat down.

"I don't know about that." Olivia chimed in with a worried tone.

"Liv, again. I'm fine. I can do this, okay? Soy un hombre. I just need to talk to him. Maybe get his mind back onto his coursework. It's affecting the flow of your precinct, so now it's become my problem." He tried to cover up his true intentions of getting Sonny to smile by covering his explanation with work related hubbub to get Olivia off his tail. "I'm leaving, I'm gonna lose him."

Rafael took off and Nick took it upon himself to sneakily follow suit. Rafael was able to track down Sonny a few blocks down from their building buying a hot dog. Of course he was getting food. He sat at a small table and Rafael sat across from him. Sonny furrowed his eyebrows.

"I can't see why you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you." Rafael slid the cup of coffee across the table and Sonny's face creaked somewhat of a smile for the first time in a few hours. "Thanks." He pushed it aside, deciding that the coffee wouldn't match well with the hot dog right about then.

"What are you upset at, though? You stormed out of there really fast, and now you're spending your break hour eating god knows what." Sonny lifted the hot dog to his mouth and set it on his plate before flicking Rafael off with his eyes. "Amanda looked a little worried."

"She's not worried. I'm the only one who's worried."

"What reason do you have to be worried?" Rafael sipped on his to go cup with knowing eyes. "If anything, I'm starting to become a little worried about you."

"And I'm not allowed to be worried about _you_? Are you kidding? Raf, let's be real."

"We don't have to be real about anything. I can handle myself. S-"

"Yeah, yeah. '_Soy un hombre.' _I get it. You're a man. But so was Greg and so is the next guy that's gonna get his ass handed to him and the next one too. Jesus, for all I know, if that is a legitimate threat, then who knows? I could be next."

Rafael felt his heart drop. "Nobody would dare harm you. I wouldn't let them."

"Yeah, okay. Sure." Sonny mumbled bitterly. God he was acting like an absolute child right now, but who said he didn't have the right to. After all, his b-

Right. They probably weren't anything, anyways. He frowned in thought.

"Sonny." He looked up and met his eyes with Rafael's. "Just between the two of us: I would never let _anybody_ **ever **lay a hand on you." His words were met with a gentle hand on Sonny's own and they locked eyes. He squeezed it and gave his best light smile to the detective. He really did care.

"Shit." Nick's eyes widened at the realization. He _knew _but he honestly wasn't sure. He had suspicions about the duo but he had never realized how legitimate the situation was. This was an exciting turn of events to say the least.

He hid almost comically behind a large group of tourists and made his way back to the precinct, ultimately deciding not to secretly intrude further on the intimate moment.

The couple returned to the precinct, together, and Liv gave an appreciative nod to Rafael. Sonny returned to his desk and got his paperwork situated. Amanda gave thumbs up to Rafael, while Nick hid behind his computer and at least pretended, for once, to be immensely indulged in his work.

Sonny shook his professor's hand as he walked out of his class a little earlier than expected. His briefings had gone over great and his mock trial was quickly approaching. He had done loads of research, with the help of the great Rafael, and he was really looking forward to getting it over with. He only had a few more papers after that and his graduation was quickly approaching. He could taste it. Just as he noticed a few of his buddies in the parking lot, his phone buzzed.

**Rollins, **10:24 p.m.  
_'You. Me. Classic Yankees v. Braves rerun."_

Sonny smiled. It was nice to get to hang out with other people in the squad besides Barba, albeit their visits were less than frequent lately. The stress of his schoolwork and the lack of leads on this case were starting bring him down. What better than to down a few beers with his coworker and settle a classic rivalry. He was in.

A few beers. That's what he had planned. But then Amanda started to get competitive and the pints kept making their way to Sonny's mouth. He ruled to pee in between innings and that's exactly what he did.

He was drunk. Amanda? Not so much. The game ended and Sonny noticed himself starting to slur more and more and Amanda, well she was just _peachy. _Sonny started to think about Rafael after seeing one of those cheesy local lawyer ads with William Shatner, so he decided to text him.

**Sonny, **12:54 a.m.  
_'Rolllllllins and I are hav in a few drinks.. you want to come join? ."_

"**Barba, **12:56 a.m.  
_'Sorry. Wine with Liv."_

Sonny rolled his eyes and set his phone down, mood drooping dramatically. Amanda had to stifle a laugh that almost escaped her mouth when her fellow detective almost transmorphed into a small dog. He was pitiful. She had to pry deeper.

"What's up, buttercup?" Her question was met with a dramatic, kindergarten-esque sigh. "Trouble in paradise."

Sonny hiccupped and stared at her- eyes narrowed. It wasn't that he was trying to intimidate her; the poor guy just couldn't see. The drinks were too much. He tried to focus as best as he could before giving up and letting his head fall to his tabled arms. "Ugh."

"Can I take a wild guess again?"

"Hasn't stopped you before."

"Barba?"

Sonny groaned a 'yes' before downing the glass of water the knowing bartender had nonchalantly slipped him.

"You know. I'm gonna let you in on something." Her voice lowered and Sonny's attention was solely on her- whether or not he could see her didn't matter. She continued, "a little while before you got here, I was going through a similar situation." _Still am,_ she and Sonny both thought. "And Fin caught me in the midst of a crisis and told me not to bring the job home."

Sonny nodded. He could agree with that. Simple.

"But he also taught me not to bring anyone from the job home." She gave a frown/smile hybrid and tried to pretend like she understood what his situation was. They weren't _that _different, but still. She had a point. Sonny groaned and once again buried his face in his arms.

"Sonny, do you have feelings for Barba?"

He nodded like a child who was caught stealing a sweet before dinner.

"It's just an um… an innocent crush, right? Just awkward feelings and all. Right?" She tried to make sense of things.

"No, not exactly." She didn't interrupt. If she were going to fix Carisi, it would have to come out of his own mouth. She couldn't pry _too _hard. "Well, a few weeks ago, um. Barba- Raf and I met at a bar. Well, we didn't meet there. We kind of just bumped- I followed him there and uh.." Carisi moved his hands around a bit, deep in his convoluted Italian thought process and shrugged. "Stuff went down. And it uh, continued to."

"So this is an ongoing thing."

"Not as of recently, no."

"Oh?" She tilted her head. "'Cause of the case."

"Well, yeah." He wriggled his nose and scratched the nape of his neck. "And Liv."

"Oh, god. Did she find out, too?"

"No, she's just been… _On _to Raf. "

"So, she's got her suspicions."

"No. Rollins… She's sweet for 'im. I can tell. She's doing that hair tuck behind the ear that girls do and she's always smilin'." Carisi's speed in words came out a little faster than usual and Rollins smirked slightly at his passion, but was annoyed at the situation. "And she's always taking him out for coffee."

"She's got to keep an eye on him."

"Which can be done _at the office."_

"He's just bored and wants a change of scenery."

"She's just bored and wants a plaything." Sonny lifted his drink to his lips and mumbled. "_My _plaything."

Amanda frowned and pursed her lips. "Is she with him right now."

Sonny nodded and let his attention focus on the bar snacks and then back to the TV. The same attorney commercial came on and he rolled his eyes before checking the time on his phone. Amanda did the same. "I should go. Studyin' to do an stuff."

"Uh, Carisi. It's a good thing, you're heading out now." Amanda's voice lowered and she immediately sprung up and slid her coat and scarf on.

"Hm?" Carisi stuffed his mouth and fixed his own coat.

"There's been another rape."


	7. Muerte

The sirens again filled the air with a rapid, somber cry; the sounds of the ambulance arriving on the scene were accompanied by the murmurs of bystanders and the croaks of walkie-talkies. Sonny began to wonder if it was troubling for him to be accustomed to such a frightening sound. For normal people, this sight would cause everlasting trauma; but for him, it's just another day's work.

But now wasn't time for him to work. It was early morning and he was still definitely drunk. But when Amanda said 'rape,' Sonny knew he had to tag along. If this had anything to do with Rafael, this was his problem too. He had trouble connecting Raf's name with the word rape. It was sobering and sickening and he just wanted to go home and be held and pretend that it was only a dream. But a dream it wasn't. And it wasn't for Rafael either who was dragged along by Liv.

The victim was pronounced dead shortly after arrival by the responding officers who had tried to resuscitate him. As much as Liv didn't want to bring Barba into this, she needed somebody to confirm the identity and right now, he was her best choice.

"You sure you're good for this?" She looked over at the ADA who was sat in her passenger seat, writhing his hands as his mind raced.

"Not at all." He forced a slight smile in the midst of his anxious nerves, which concerned Olivia greatly. "But someone's got to do it."

"Do you want to know who it is before we get there? I could probably ask one of the EMTs, I'm sure they checked his wallet prior to-"

"Liv. Don't sugarcoat this. I know what's happening. This guy's trying to get into my head. Unfortunately, lives will be lost. I can't help what he does-"

"But _we _can."

"**Liv." **He barked at her and she immediately stepped down, focusing on the road. Off in the distance he could see the flashing lights and he sighed, trying to slow his breathing. "Bad things happen. It's awful and I don't know why god does it, but they happen. Right now we're in one of those cycles where everything bad is happening at once, but we'll get this guy. Okay? Just- just don't treat me like I'm a child. This is our _job._ Things like this happen all the time. We deal with things like this all the time. It's my job to be indifferent."

"Yeah, but Barb-"

"Don't." He reached a hand out and set it on Olivia's shoulder as soon as they pulled up next to a curb. She turned her head and their eyes met for a short moment before Liv looked away. She mumbled in defeat. Rafael took that as his cue to leave.

The area was taped off. A grizzly scene across the street from the pub he frequented was laid out. Again, an alleyway assault had occurred. He looked around when he noticed several officers, including Rollins, standing around a body. He knew it wasn't _the _body, but he was intrigued nonetheless.

As he made his way closer, he noticed the all too familiar loafers and blonde, messy hair. He started to worry; his pulse increasing as he moved closer. Rollins caught him in his eyes, and like a doe on a freeway, they grew three times their size as she made her way closer. "H-hey, Counselor! Why don't we head this way?" She reached out for his shoulder to turn him around and he powered through her and took her place in the now depleting huddle.

On the ground was the one and only Sonny Carisi who was sitting on the asphalt, half drunk but pretending to analyze the surrounding area, which the forensic team found hilarious. They dispersed and Rollins found it best to keep an eye on the two.

"This is literally the most unprofessional thing you have ever done and I've seen you do some pretty unprofessional things, Carisi." Rafael stared down at the detective and did his best to ignore the snicker emitting from the southern belle to his right. He looked at her and eyed her suspiciously. "You couldn't have run him home or called him a cab? You're not off the hook either. You bringing your intoxicated colleague to an open crime scene has got to break some sort of protocol- also pretty unprofessional."

"Hey, we're all on-call and the misses told us to sober up. I hope she gave you that same advice on the way over as well, counselor." She smirked, noting a slight wine stain on Rafael's shirt. "Regardless, I couldn't stop him from tagging along."

Rafael's glare shot back to Sonny. "Don't you have a test this week? Uh, I'm sure I heard you whining about it at some point yest-"

"Save it, Raf. She's in on it."

"You told her?"

"No, I guessed." Rollins smirked. "But if you don't pipe this lover's quarrel down, the entire squad is gonna be in on it too." Rollins rubbed the back of her neck and turned to Olivia who was slowly approaching.

"Two things: one, why aren't we consulting with CSU and secondly, why is my detective on the ground?" Olivia squinted at Carisi who looked up with a quick shrug before standing. "Carisi, what are you doing here? You're off."

"Rollins said we're all on call, so I left with her." He cleared his throat and fixed his hair.

Olivia silently read the two of them before the light scent of booze shook her out of her trance. "Well, if you're here, you might as well help. Search the general area. Murder weapon is not at the scene, but it could be." Amanda took off to get information from the first responders and Sonny started walking off to who knows where. Rafael was sure to keep an eye on him at all costs before Liv's voice brought him back. "Barba, you ready?" She pressed her lips together and tilted her head. Rafael nodded and felt a caring hand on his shoulder guide him to the body.

The ME had come and done her initial testing, and the photos were taken, so the body had been covered with a tarp. The lifeless lump could've been unnoticed if there weren't evidence markers and impromptu lamps peppering the alleyway.

The world went silent as Rafael approached the body. He was a squeamish guy. When he knew he wanted to help people, he became a lawyer so he only had to see these scenes on paper. He frowned because something told him that he should feel _something_ other than disgust when approaching a dead former loved one. A part of him was hoping that this was one of the ones who had hurt him deeply in the past so it wouldn't hurt as much to see him go. But another part of him couldn't bare to open his eyes to find out.

Olivia crouched down and removed the tarp from the John Doe's face with gloved hands. She exhaled softly and said, "when you're ready."

Rafael's eyes opened as Olivia's words echoed in his ears. For a moment he was dumbstruck; his feet were firmly planted and his lips were pursed in their classic fashion. But then it struck him.

In a matter of seconds, he was hurling into a trashcan several feet away, much to CSU's dismay. Olivia rubbed his back as he choked out the wine from earlier and muffled, heart wrenching sobs. She frowned and stepped back, letting Rafael come to. She tried to ask him a few questions but all Rafael could hear was a sharp ringing sensation.

His world had completely shattered in a manner of seconds and he soon passed out on the cold ground near where his ex-lover lay slain.

He wasn't prepared to come to in Olivia's office next to a sleeping Carisi and an eagle eyed Amaro.

"Liv, hey. Yeah, he's up." Nick walked to the door and called out to her before sitting on her desk and staring at Rafael.

"What?" He sneered.

"You good, amigo? That was quite the fall." He tried his best to show actual concern, but Rafael took it as a light hearted burn and rolled his eyes.

"Jesus. Can't a man get an aspirin or something around here? I'm dying."

Olivia rushed in with a harsher concern and Rafael shook his head. "I'm fine. Just, please. Somebody find me some pills?" Nick obliged and took off. Rafael frowned at the sleeping detective in the chair next to him and looked at Olivia. As he rubbed his head, everything came back to him and he felt his nausea returning.

"Counselor, you're looking a little pale. Are you sure you're alright?" Olivia frowned back at him and fiddled with her necklace. "You never gave the ID, so we can't confirm the body's identity." She sighed, "if you'd like to take another-"

"Robert," Rafael bluntly stated. He shook his head slowly and looked up at Olivia with a queasy expression as his face paled. "Uh, his name is Robert Ellis."

And immediately, the rest of Olivia's most expensive wine was on Sonny Carisi's shoes.


	8. Coping

"Room for one more?"

Rafael, who was submerged to his eyes in a bubble bath, peered over at the doorway like a lonely little frog in a pond. Sonny stood draped in a white cloth robe and pursed his lips to the side as he waited for a response. Rafael slowly sat up straight in the tub and said nothing to the taller man as his eyes explored him.

Sonny had been consistently working out in the months since Robert's death. The slightest chance of a threat towards Rafael resulted in copious trips to the gym and his constant surveillance; Sonny was becoming ever the bodyguard. Rafael nodded slowly. The candlelight flickered against the blonde's sun kissed skin as he took off his robe and placed it upon the hook behind him.

He lowered himself into the tub behind Rafael and wrapped his arms around his middle. While Sonny had been gaining muscle mass, Rafael had been losing weight altogether. He relied on the forceful nature of his colleagues reminding him to eat and keep himself together. He was thankful for people like Sonny.

As he relaxed into his hold, he tried to remember a time when he was held in such a caring embrace. Come to think of it, he never really had been since he was a child. Until there was Sonny, there was no sun for Rafael, and he was sure to keep that in mind.

"How'd you do today?" Sonny spoke into Rafael's neck, inhaling the lavender scented bubble bath his therapist had suggested.

Rafael sighed. He twiddled his thumbs, placing his hands on Sonny's and watched as tinier and tinier bubbles popped around them. "Better." They stared at their reflection on the circular overflow cover and Sonny sighed with him.

"I'm sorry I'm home so late." Sonny eventually spoke up.

"Duty calls."

"I didn't mean it like that, Raf-"

"Why can't I go back to work? This is becoming ridiculous." Rafael sat forward and turned his head to look at Sonny. "You know it. I know it. The entirety of the goddamned New York populous knows that-" he rambled off quickly, "_I'm withering away_."

The detective frowned. He knew not to interrupt Rafael when he began to vent like this. The past few months had been filled to the rim with contemplative silence and slowly but surely Rafael would open up more and more. It was like dating a whole new person, and _yes_ they had confirmed they were dating- at least to one another.

It had started with a bottle of pinot grigio over talk of the case and ended up with the two on the floor of Rafael's apartment. The two wore sweaters and jeans and Rafael insisted on not wearing socks, which Sonny welcomed anyway but still wore his because he was self-conscious. Rafael invited him over as an act of trying to get back to normalcy. They talked about Olivia and then Robert's name was brought up and then Sonny changed. Their laughter soon was replaced by silence.

"Carisi?" Rafael smirked, emotions blinded by the sweet alcohol pumping through his veins. "Why'd you get so sad all of a sudden? I thought I was supposed to be the sad one."

"What are we?"

"What?" Rafael slightly chuckled.

"You just called me Carisi." He looked up at the ADA and frowned.

"So?"

"You only did that when we weren't-"

"Weren't what?" Rafael inquired, setting his wine on the coffee table beside them.

"That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out, _counselor_!" Sonny burst. He set his own glass down and hugged the pillow in front of him like the child he felt like.

"Sonny, what's going on?"

"Oh don't even go there." His expression turned sour. "Acting like Captain Oblivious, okay. Well, for starters, _um- _oh yeah. This is our first real date in weeks."

"I'm coping." Rafael sneered.

"I'm not talking about since Robert died, Raf. Before that."

Rafael tried to remember a date before the case but he soon realized Sonny's convoluted point. Given it was done in a slightly manipulative way, he still wrapped his mind around it. His expression softened.

"Olivia's got a thing for you and I don't like it."

"I can assure you she's definitely not my type," he said with a slight, sad chuckle.

"Not gonna stop her from stealing you away."

"From you?"

Sonny's face seemed to melt into even more of a hurt visage. "Are you not mine?" He narrowed his eyes and watched Barba as he tried to figure out just was going on here. "Oh my god, you're not."

"Sonny-"

"You're really not. And here I was getting emotionally attached and I'm just- I'm just some… _fuckboy_ to you." He stood up and ran his hands through his hair, trying to calm down but those damn Italian emotions as they ran rampant through him. "I knew I was a plaything."

"Listen to what you're saying right now-"

"I'm just arm candy. I'm nothing, _am I_? Did you ever feel… anything for me? Or was I just a rebound?" Sonny's eyes widened. "Was I Robert's rebound?"

Now Rafael had the hurt expression.

"I _was_ Robert's rebound. Did you think you two could get back together? 'Cause that was never gonna happen and you _both_ knew it so you decided to get together with me 'cause I was just _all _over you."

Rafael watched as Sonny paced around, lips firmly pressed together.

"You were the talk of the town with your big shot cases and I'm just some lanky law student that thinks you're the _fucking_ Queen of England. So I decide to try you on for size and I realize that I got a thing for you and you were just getting sexual favors from some younger guy and that made you feel much better because your _fuck buddy_ bailed on you-"

"Why would I help you with your mock trial?"

"Y- what?" Sonny stopped in his tracks and looked at Rafael, slightly offended he interrupted his rant.

"Why would I invite you to my home and pull my college material out of storage for you if I didn't want to spend time with you?" He deadpanned.

"But-"

"Why would I even care how you're doing in law school if you were _just _some lanky law student? Why would you be sitting here right now if I didn't want to just _talk _to you and _laugh _with you? Honestly, why would you be here today if I didn't trust you enough to cry with you?"

"Because you want to have sex with me?"

Rafael laughed in the middle of tears falling down his cheeks. Sonny looked confused. "That's just the icing on the cake, I guess." He smiled, wiping his eyes and sniffling before looking up at the other man and shaking his head in pity. "Sure in a technicality, at first, you were a rebound. I honestly guess I did '_love_' Robert. But he didn't love me back. And I just kept sleeping with him thinking that one day he'd say 'why don't you move in with me?' and trust me I knew that wasn't going to happen, but I believed that maybe there was a sliver of a chance for it. Sonny, he invited me over and we'd just have sex. That was it. There was no sitting on a couch watching horrible teams play, sharing hoodies, homework help, advice. There was never any cuddling because he wanted it to not be 'weird." Rafael did air quotes, sniffling out a chuckle.

Sonny sat back on the floor and pursed his lips to the side.

"Robert would have never sat with me like we are right now and shared a glass of wine and talked about our feelings. He wouldn't have sat here and listened to my case in great detail and let me vent. And do you know when I realized that?"

Sonny shrugged and looked at the floor.

"It first started to click when you invited me for breakfast with Rollins because who would willingly want to spend a morning with me before coffee?"

Sonny smirked.

"And then when I had the urge to follow you after you stormed out. I don't do that. I told you I was going to keep you safe and I never realized that you'd end up being the one who'd keep me safe." He smiled as he looked up, desperately trying to get the tears to stop falling. " I care, like a lot."

Sonny grinned. "I knew it."

Rafael laughed and shook his head. "Robert wouldn't have ever done anything for me the way you are. And yes, we- "he waved his finger between the two of them "_are _definitely something. This is a date, isn't it? A god awful one so far, but I'm glad you're here with me and I want you to stay… a really long time. It won't be weird."

Sonny smiled and leaned across the way to kiss him but he was cut off.

"I guess I never really thanked you for being here for me."

There was silence.

"So?"

"Thank you… Dominick."

They laughed at each other and the distance between the two of them was closed with a kiss.

"So?" Sonny spoke on Rafael's lips.

"Jesus, do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Nah, I think I got it."

"_Sonny_?!"

The younger man snapped out of his trance and looked at Rafael still soaking in the tub and waiting for a response.

"I think m'gonna talk to Liv about you going back to work."

"Y-what?"

"Yeah, yeah. You've earned it. I'll have her send an email to the DA and we'll get you off leave."

Rafael looked at him speechless as his mouth drew agape. "Seriously?"

Sonny chuckled and nodded. "Definitely."

Rafael smiled and leaned back into Sonny's hold and closed his eyes, relaxing truly. Maybe it was the herbal bath or maybe it was his boyfriend, but he felt content for the first time in forever.

Sonny pressed his lips to the top of Rafael's head and mumbled a sweet nothing and laughed to himself.

"Love you too."

When Rafael's return to work had been approved, he found himself having to pick out a professional outfit for the first time in months. With a slight idea in mind, he opened the French double doors and stared at the suits that hung before him in a color-coded order. As he stroked his chin, the prickle of his slight stubble reminding him to shave, he weighed his options.

He could show up in a plaid blue suit and shock everyone; to think that _he_ had metaphorically risen from the dead and was now here to prove all of his naysayers wrong. He would emanate a masculine and intelligent vibe as he strode into the office and sat at _his _desk where _his _name was displayed. Or he could casually bump into his colleagues in the break room, clad in a beige conservative ensemble and crack jokes about the governor's latest scandal. He even pulled the black suit out that slimmed him ever so slightly and made him feel protected and classy just to look.

But ultimately he knew he couldn't arrive in any of those fashions. His eyes locked to the grey suits directly in front of him. '_How dreary,' _he imagined the office gossip he would deal with. '_That's the guy whose boyfriend died.' _He closed his eyes and braced himself for the hell he'd have to continue to deal with. The story had made headlines. Rafael had no time to prepare himself for the media frenzy that had ensued. His old gay district stomping grounds held him in high honor and drag queens were filmed saying they'd claw the next guy who approached him in a sketch manner. Sonny thought it was great at first; an entire city wanting to help Rafí out and make him feel better. But Rafael didn't like it and his mother certainly didn't like it either.

When she first saw a small photo of him in the newspaper as she quickly flipped through it, she smiled. But as she read on, she realized it wasn't what she thought it was. "_M'hijo!" _Rafael could feel the angry spit that leaped through his receiver.

"Mamí, if you could just hear me out for a few minutes, I can explain." He pleaded.

"You told me that this was a personal thing- that I didn't have to have it shoved in my face. But I open the paper this morning, and guess what, Rafí? Shoved right in my face." She sighed and spoke something almost prayer like under her breath, in spanish, and continued on. "You're lucky mami isn't around for this."

"Don't bring abuelita into this!" He snapped back. "She would have supported me through this and turned the other way." A hurt, dark, nervous laugh escaped his throat. His demeanor quickly changed and suddenly he felt like he had to deal with a convict. "I forgot. You know a thing or two about turning the other way when I'm getting attacked."

"¡Cállate carajo!" The elder Cuban huffed to Rafi. "Ay. Tremendo paquete." She sighed.

"I'm over this. Call me when you're ready to be a real mother. If you even bother."

It took Rafael weeks to apologize to his mother and she reciprocated in the best way that she could- with food.

"Lechón? Mamí." He smiled opening one of many tupperware containers filled with rice and beans and fried plantanos. He set them aside and hugged his mother tightly.

"I've had nobody to cook for. I was going insane." She smiled softly as she pulled away. Her arms fell to her sides and she shrugged, shaking her head. "When you called, I knew I had to bring you something. Let me get that, mijito."

Rafael's mother opened the fridge to put some of Rafael's food away and stared knowingly at a container of soy milk and a box of cannoli. She shook it off and then shut the door and sat at the kitchen table.

The two spoke about how Lucia's school was going and how Rafael was managing along before she interrupted him. "Did Roberto live here?" She tilted her head. Rafael stared back with wide eyes. "You haven't even put away his groceries?"

_Oh right_. Sonny's things. He hadn't bothered to hide most of his possessions before his mother arrived. He cursed under his breath and ran his hands over his face.

"Mamí, I need to tell you something."

"Rafael, I don't think this is something I am wanting to hear."

"But you should know. Firstly, those aren't Robert's. He didn't live here, okay? Get that set. But I am _with _someone right now."

Lucia's jaw clenched as she nodded stoically. "Am I going to meet them?"

"When the time is right, you can meet him." He narrowed his eyes as a means to emphasize his point.

Lucia's fingernails rapped against the table as she took yet another bombshell into mind. "I see." The elder shrugged. "Can I ask one thing?"

"Si, Mamí."

"Whatever happened to Lauren Sullivan? Remember her?"

Rafael laughed and remembered how in love he was with her in the eleventh grade. He took her to prom and she spent most of the night drooling over Tommy Devito with some of the girls from his block. He was focused on spending time with his bros, so he didn't mind all that much. "Last I heard of her, she had gone to Connecticut for cosmetology school. I don't know." He fondly shook his head remembering how he had told Olivia that she could massacre his entire family and he wouldn't even care.

"Or Rita?" She remembered his college flame.

"You know I work with her often."

"Is she single?"

"Mam-"

"Oh hush, Rafi. I know."

They sat in silence before Rafael chimed in shortly thereafter.

"Voy a hacer café. Would you like some?" He stood up and moved towards his nespresso. Lucia took this as her cue to leave and they said their goodbyes and that was that.

Rafael knew it would have been best had he waited to introduce Sonny. In fact, he made Sonny go out for the night, having one completely avoid the other. Since family was everything to Sonny, he couldn't help but feel slightly hurt, but when he came home and found food in the fridge, he couldn't complain. He'd hug Rafael from behind and say things like "quiero jama" and "teeeeeengo hambre, Rafí." Rafael couldn't complain either. It was just meant to be.

The ADA sighed as he selected a heather grey suit and a pale lilac shirt to wear. He draped them on his bed and moved to his dresser where he retrieved some matching silk accessories and cufflinks. Folding his arms, he stared at the outfit for several minutes wondering if he could retrain his mind to believe that it _is _in fact the suit that makes the man.

The ride to his office seemed like an eternity but once he sat down at his desk at 1 Hogan Place, he seemed to fall right back into the scheme of things. The DA let him ease into his morning and be reminded of all things that had happened in the past few months. After lunch- which he was treated to by a few peers- he got right back to work and readjusted himself to his work behavior. His phone pinged.

**Liv, **3:22 p.m.  
_'Heard you made it back to work! Can't wait to bother you again. Stop by later?"_

Rafael laughed. It wouldn't hurt to make a visit to the bullpen. He could even visit Sonny. What did he have to lose?

**Barba, **3:31 p.m.  
_'Plan on it. See you then."_

"There he is! Abogado is on the case once again!" Amaro smiled, laughing and clapping his hands together once as he approached Rafael for a hug. "Missed you, amigo."

Rafael smiled endearingly and nodded after a quick handshake. "Where's Liv? She told me to stop by."

"Speak of the devil." Amaro smirked and nodded behind Rafael as Olivia strolled out of her office and approached the men.

"Barba!" She smiled lovingly and hugged him. "We're glad to have you back."

"Thanks, Liv. I'm definitely appreciating the time out of the house. " He laughed slightly and rubbed the back of his neck. "Although, I've yet to sass anyone today yet, is Caris-"

"My man!" Fin wiped his hands on his pants and approached for a bro-shake. "How's it been? You're gonna make me smack you, I missed your fancy ass around here." He grinned as Rafael reciprocated.

"It's good to see you Fin." He looked at the detectives who surrounded him and nodded. "So I actually was wondering where-"

"I didn't do nothin'! Let me go!" Sonny and Amanda entered the bullpen with a rowdy suspect who was trying his hardest to release himself from the male cop's reigns.

"Keep resistin'. I dare you." Carisi's thick accent chimed in as he threw the suspect down into a chair for booking.

Olivia walked over and folded her arms as she tried her best to ignore the new animal friend on Rollins' desk. "Who's this?" The man kept squirming until Fin walked over and tightened his cuffs. That didn't last too long.

"Ow, what the hell's that for? I told you! I didn't do nothin'. Let me go!" He wriggled himself in the chair and budged as hard as he could. Fin removed his extra handcuffs from his desk, fastening the pair around one of the man's ankles and a chair leg. "Police brutality!"

"Look pal, I suggest you better pipe it down before I taze your ass." Fin folded his arms and stared down the man in the chair. "I don't think you're ready to be my bitch just yet."

"Rollins?" Olivia sighed and looked at the duo expectantly as the man mumbled angry sounding Spanish phrases under his breath. Her eyebrows furrowed as she noted the gang affiliated tattoos on his neck and arms.

"Diego Marcial. Member of the Trinitario gang." Rollins turned the man's head to note a '3ni' tattoo on the underside of his jaw.

"Woah, aren't these the guys that run around with the machetes?" Amaro piped in, eyes narrowing disgustedly as the man who sat in front of him. "That's some sick shit."

"We got 'im trying to solicit sex from a minor." Sonny noted before looking up and catching Rafael's glance, which seemed like he was almost entirely back in his element. "Machete's in the squad car."

Rafael smiled softly at him and gripped his case files a little tighter.

"What you smilin' at, montro?" The gangbanger looked up at Rafael, slightly offended. "You like what you see?" He perked an eyebrow and shook his head.

"Excuse me?" Rafael stepped forward and folded his arms, tucking the case files away.

"You heard me."

"Raf, maybe you better step outta this?" Sonny tried to rest a hand on Rafael's shoulder before it was quickly swatted away.

"Trouble in paradise, balsero?" He smirked.

"Ay, you better watch your mouth." Amaro stepped forward, only to be restricted by Fin. "One more investigation and I'm outta here and if I waste my last chance on you, I don't think I'll mind too much." Fin held him back and spoke to him to calm him down.

"Diego, you better watch what you say because I can and _will _upgrade those charges and you'll be known as the gnark in your _hood_." Barba's eyes narrowed as he approached the man.

"Fuckin' bugarron!" Diego spit in Rafael's face and in a matter of seconds, the lawyer snapped. He pushed the chair the man was in over and stepped over him, managing to get one good punch in before Sonny pulled him off and Amaro and Fin carried the chair- and Diego- away into a private room.

The squad froze. Nobody knew Rafael was capable of anything remotely violent aside from threats of capital punishment and snarky glares. Olivia stood flabbergasted as Sonny held Rafael back; he was fuming. His face was red and a vein popped out on his temple as his jaw remained clenched. He pushed Sonny off of him, who remained speechless and Rafael brushed off his jacket.

Rollins exchanged aghast looks with Sonny and then to Liv.

"_What?" _Rafael perked an angry eyebrow, speaking quickly and licking his lips. "Just another _maricón _throwing a tantrum!" He straightened his tie and scanned their faces before picking his case files off the ground and storming out.

Sonny ran his hand through his hair and looked at Olivia for an answer. "Liv, I gotta-"

"Go, Carisi. I know." She sighed and copied his action before heading to her office knowing that the amount of paperwork she'd have to deal with would be insane.

Sonny followed suit after Rafael, wondering if everything they'd ever do would end up paralleling each other's actions. Rafael was sat outside of HQ on the steps outside the gate. Sonny approached him cautiously. "It's a little cold out."

"I obviously need to cool down."

"Jeez, Raf. What was that all about? You've had scumbags talk to you like that before; I don't get it." Sonny sat down next to Rafael, but not too close since they were at work.

"What's not to get? He struck a nerve." Rafael thumbed through his files, reorganizing the papers and sighed. "God, I'm so embarrassed. I'm just under so much pressure and I haven't been called-"

"A fag. I know." Sonny pursed his lips to the side and reached an arm out to pat Rafael's shoulder in a loving, yet professional way.

"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "Last person to tell me to my face was my dad. And the way he spit on me just triggered a really bad memory. I felt like I was fifteen again."

Sonny looked down at his feet before retracting his arm. "You know, you've never really talked about your family with me, Raf." He shrugged in thought. "Maybe since you're so stressed, maybe venting could really help. I mean, it's what I'm here for."

Rafael habitually kept his gaze down, fists slightly clenching as memories he had long repressed suddenly invaded his mind. He nodded. "When my mom came over,"

"Yeah?"

"She had found your stuff. And the whole reason we hadn't talked was because of the whole Robert fiasco in the media."

"She's got a problem with you being queer?"

"Well. Not really. Mamí's had gay friends who work with her at the school. She just, when my dad was around, he had her like _trained."_

"I don't really understand."

"He was really abusive, Sonny." Rafael looked to Sonny with the same eyes Rafael looked at Alex and Eddie with; a little boy with a black eye begging for some sort of help; a soul that was unrequitedly troubled. "_He_ had a problem with me being bi. Anything remotely not masculine was frowned upon and solved with a beating. And if it wasn't me who was getting beaten, it was mamí for raising me wrong."

Sonny frowned, eyes crinkling with legitimate hurt. He really felt for Rafael and wanted so badly to go back in time and help the small child. That's why he became a cop: to help those who couldn't get the help. That's what Rafael did too.

"You know, he didn't want me to be a lawyer." He laughed, pain eminent in his voice. "Couldn't see why I didn't have the urge to do something with my hands." He smirked, eyes zoned out into a memory that seemed to be right in front of him. "I wanted to dance. I wanted to sing. There were so many things I could've done but I didn't get to. I studied so hard for him. I just wanted him to be proud of me. But no matter how goddamn hard I tried, it just wouldn't work." Rafael sniffled; tears hadn't yet begun to fall.

"The social workers in the seventies and eighties weren't shit, Sonny." He laughed. "I would have given so much to have had someone like you or Liv burst in through the door to rescue me." He smiled sadly. "All I had was mi abuelita. She was my strength. She would sing to me when they were fighting and she would sneak me gifts and sweets when I wasn't supposed to have any. She did everything to make me happy and I tried so hard to make her life easier, but then I took away _her_ happiness. She just wanted to stay at home when she was dying." Rafael let a few tears fall before shaking them off and looking to the sky and inhaling deeply.

"I'm so sorry, Raf."

"Don't be. You of all people don't need to be. I'm fine." He smiled and discretely placed one of his hands on Sonny's. "I ended up going to Harvard, and I got to meet you. So everything is fine right now. I'm better."

Sonny smiled sadly back and let the silence fill a few moments. "Do you think she'll like me?"

"Who?"

"Your mom."

Rafael laughed. "She'll probably tell me I'm too old for you." He removed his hand and looked off as the cars drove by. "You know when I first told her I was into men, she was convinced that I had a father complex."

Sonny laughed hard and shook his head. "Please don't call me daddy."

Rafael's face shuddered into disgust as he shook it off with a laugh. "As long as you don't first." He smirked.

"Raaaaaf!"

The weeks following had become easier and easier for Rafael and things seemed to work themselves out. Progress in their cases was being made, and suddenly a natural schedule had fallen into place. Sonny had finally moved in, mostly, to Rafael's place and was beginning to think that things were for the better.

Leads had run out, however, on Rafael's case and with every passing day, the threat seemed to wear off. He'd be lying if he said there wasn't a fractal of his being that still looked both ways before exiting his building, or kept on his phone on whenever he walked anywhere. Rafael was scared.

Rafael had invested in a small pocket tazer and brought it everywhere with him. Sonny couldn't be on his arm 24/7, so it was up to him to provide some sort of self-defense. That being said, Rafael only kept to his apartment when the opportunity arose.

Sonny entered the living room with _his_ key and groaned as he threw his messenger bag onto a loveseat. He threw his body onto the couch and groaned even louder into that stupid throw pillow Olivia bought Rafael just to 'spruce' it up a bit. Rafael was totally offended 'cause he knew he knew interior design better than Liv did.

Rafael laughed as he loaded some leftovers onto a baking pan and slid it into the over. "School can't be _that_ bad."

"Why didn't I just double major?" He turned his head to avoid the muffling. "Why did I do criminal justice _and _the police academy _and _law school. This is so dumb."

"But you're _helping _people. That's the good thing." Rafael removed his oven mitts and set them aside opting to sit with Sonny. "Plus you always take the most complicated route for things."

"Watch it."

"Got a lot on your plate, huh?" He bent Sonny's knees and sat down, letting his legs fall on top of him.

"Liv's wantin' overtime 'cause of the new guy and then I got a term paper I have to complete. And I can't ask for any more extensions because I'm a grown man and I can't keep kissin' up to these professors, Raf."

"Slow down, there's a new guy?" Rafael laughed with intrigue.

"Oh." He turned himself around and reached his arms behind his head. "Here's another thing. Nick's thinkin' about movin' out to California so there's a lot of talk about hirin' a new guy 'cause Liv doesn't have a second in command."

Rafael felt his heart drop a bit. Given the man was a hotheaded jackass seventy percent of the time, it was nice to have a fellow Cuban around. He really got Rafael and was definitely there for him and helped keep his secret. "How's uh, how's Amanda feel about all this?"

"She doesn't even know yet."

"Is Nick gonna tell her?"

"I don't know. Fin could've ranked up but he's not wanting to. Says he's fine where he is. He also said it's not uncommon for dudes in SVU to just disappear without warning." Rafael shot him a look and Sonny shook his head. "I'm not gonna do that."

"I know. Just, she's gonna be crushed." He ran his hands over his face and sighed.

"Are they that serious?"

"A bit, yeah."

"Jeez. Promise you won't go off to California or nothin'?"

"Cross my heart." And it was sealed with a kiss.


End file.
